Me and my little early bird this morning.
So, I’m breaking my blogging hiatus for a moment to talk to you mommas.
You’re on my mind. 
This might get a little long, seeing as I haven’t posted in a while….
I love being a momma, I really do. And sitting here on my couch, with my half-full coffee cup and little early riser cuddled on the couch watching Praise Baby with her paci in mouth and blanky tucked under her chin, my heart feels full. In the wake of Mother’s Day, yes, I’m thankful to be a momma of littles, for their giggles, their sweet kisses, their constant antics that have Mr. Small Town and I in stitches.
But, some days are harder than others. There are days when I wonder when I will not just finish the list, but get to it in the first place.
There are days when I feel like “no”, “get down from there”, “don’t touch that”, and “don’t push your sister” are the only words I speak – over and over – and I begin to feel like a broken-record-meany-mommy.
There are days when I want to cry because no matter how hard I try, there are three messes to follow every one I clean up.
Oh, and there are days that I just want to cry for no reason in particular except that I feel like an emotional basket case.
There are days that no matter what inspiring book I read, or blog post I encounter telling me that motherhood is my mission field and that I have a sacred calling (which, yes, I believe to be true), I wonder how in the world I’m making a difference in the midst of sippy cups and scattered refrigerator magnets.
While I know that I serve a God who can meet me in the mess, who brings the glorious into the mundane, I can’t help but feel extremely ordinary with my second day hair and pile of dishes. I wonder…am I doing enough? Am I being enough? Am I enough?
I think of lost souls, of hearts searching for hope, of the hurting, dying, and love-ravaged lives and it hurts inside because I long to be His arms outstretched. I think of the precious souls here in my home, my hardworking hubby, the little curly headed toddler snuggled next to me, and the bouncing ball of energy that’s still fast asleep in her room, and my heart hurts even more.
It almost seems too much, these blessings I’ve been given, and the responsibility it carries.
Is it possible that these gifts that have been so graciously placed in my life, that I can be a gift to them, too?
It sounds depressing, but sometimes I don’t know. I know His strength is made perfect in my weakness, but sometimes it just feels like there’s not enough me to go around.
Enough to be Jesus to my little house, to my husband, to my kids, the family, the friends, the church ministries, the writing, the whatever else - -
How does one do it? Take the longings and the passions and the groanings inside and translate that into arms that work, love, surround, and touch with His hands?
I’ve been asking God, begging Him – what to pick up, what to lay down, to help me to focus, to help me to do only what He’s called me to and to do that wholeheartedly by His grace and strength.
So easy to pray, but so hard to live out.
I often begin to feel overwhelmed with the lists, the dreams, the passions, the love and desire to nurture, and yet the need to rest. Are there enough hours in the day, enough energy in my bones, enough creativity, is there enough patience, is there enough Jesus being shone through my life?
He breathes life into the dark, suffocated corners with these words this morning and I feel peace that surpasses the swirl of thoughts -
” He will tend his flock like a shepherd; He will gather the lambs in His arms; He will carry them in his bosom, and gently lead those that are with young.” - Isaiah 40:11
Did you get that last part?
“…and gently lead those that are with young.”
In the original Hebrew language, “gently lead” means this:
to lead, give rest, lead with care, guide to a watering place or station, cause to rest, bring to a station or place of rest, guide, refresh
Does that sound like a tired momma’s dream come true or what?
This hit my heart in such a sweet and tender way this morning, and it brought tears.
Because those mommas of the flock? They aren’t always out front, running ahead. No, they are often near the back, tending to the little ones who can’t run just yet, making sure they are safe.
I felt the Lord whisper, “it’s okay to walk, and it’s okay to rest.”
It filled me up and suddenly the other mommas out there…the ones who can’t get off their own necks, who feel like their life is often a tightrope – you’re on my mind.
I’m writing this morning to say this:
He sees the mess, He hears the prayers, He sees the desires, He knows the longings, the long hours and prayers and tears do not go unnoticed by Him.
Those very specific, important-to-the-heart things you’re seeking Him about? He hears.
The questions about your babies, your husband, your significant other, your family, your job, your finances, your life, your calling, your ministry, your health, the burdens of your heart —
And guess what, sweet mama to precious little souls? He’s patient, He’s gentle, and He’s not rushing you like you’re rushing yourself.
Stop beating yourself up already for not getting it. For not knowing the answers. For not being the best of the best and having it all figured out.
With Him, you don’t have a rigid schedule you can’t keep up with. That’s from you, not from Him.
Little ones need lots of breaks, tender care, healthy meals, and rest.
And as their caretaker, so do you. Why would we expect anything different of ourselves?
He gives rest, He doesn’t ask you to push past your breaking point.
He brings a watering place for the thirsty.
He purposes to bring you a refreshing, a break, and He leads with gentleness because He knows the oh-so-tender state of your heart under the mask.
He knows that you give beyond your abilities, that you pour out when there’s nothing left, and that you love so much it hurts.
He knows you want to serve Him, to be His vessel, and He is saying today – YOU ARE.
The Shepherd knows you care deeply, and that you need care, too.
So can we, you and I, stop today to receive His truth?
He’s gentle, and momma’s have a special place in His heart.
Yes, YOU, momma who is working long hours to support your little family on pennies.
Yes, YOU, momma who is running her own daycare or in-home business to make ends meet but struggles with balance.
Yes, YOU, momma who just received news that threatens to make you give up.
Yes, YOU, momma who’s trying to finish school while raising babies.
Yes, YOU, momma who feels alone and has no one to go to for help.
Yes, YOU, momma who feels like she has yelled, fallen short, or failed one too many times.
Yes, YOU, momma who feels dry to the bone and there is no oasis on the horizon.
Yes, YOU, momma whose heart is laden with guilt and shame over her past. {He wants to take that burden!}
Yes, YOU, momma who is struggling to raise babies on her own.
Yes, YOU momma who has no idea what the next step will be.
Yes, YOU, momma who is trying desperately to protect her children from her crumbling marriage while you are clinging.
Yes, YOU, momma struggles with what her calling is as a mommy and as a child of God.
Yes, YOU, momma who from the outside has it made but is hurting inside.
Yes, YOU, momma who has been praying and asking for answers, for healing, for provision, for a miracle.
Yes, YOU, momma who has not birthed children of her own but has poured your life into many children-of-the-heart.
He’s gentle with you. He’s patient, kind, and He knows. He doesn’t expect us to be at the front of the race, He knows that during these seasons, we’re teaching others to walk.
How do we expect to run when we’re doing that?
Mommies, it’s okay to slow down. To say NO. To take a break. To take a rest, to receive His care.
He’s not the one hammering you and I with expectations – its us, our perceptions, and need to run at a breakneck pace until we fall flat on our faces.
Not Him. His yoke is easy, and His burden is light.
Your ministry (and it is a ministry) – it carries a beautiful, immeasurable, eternal weight.
YOU MATTER.
So today, when you feel pressed, pushed, pulled, and not enough -
- remember that He’s gently leading.
Keep doing what you’re doing. One foot in front of the other.
Give yourself a break, okay? {preaching to myself here} Even in the midst of the busyness, receive His grace and rest in the midst.
Stop running when it’s okay to rest.
Let Him gently lead you to that rest.
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